For those who’ve damaged issues off with a narcissist, you most likely know what occurs while you don’t reply to a narcissist textual content.
They may even double down on the poisonous conduct simply to punish you for breaking free.
They’ll use texting (and different means) to both provoke you or draw you again in each time attainable.
So, it pays to know what to look out for and how you can reply.
After studying this put up, you’ll additionally know when to not.
Is It Value Replying to a Narcissist?
No matter position they nonetheless play in your life, you’re underneath no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after one other.
Typically, the most effective response is none in any respect.
- After they criticize one thing about you or one thing you’ve executed;
- After they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a response from you;
- After they attempt to love-bomb you again into the connection.
That final one is particularly pernicious. It’s simple sufficient to disregard petty barbs and demanding feedback.
It’s one other to metal your self towards the narcissist’s makes an attempt at rekindling one thing with you—particularly if a part of you continue to yearns for the nice occasions you had.
We get it. Possibly, at their greatest, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to allow them to have their means with you every now and then.
Besides now, you realize the price of letting them have their means. And your freedom is price extra to you than a second’s bliss.
That mentioned, in some conditions, a couple of alternative phrases will do you extra good than silence:
- After they disregard your request to do one thing on your (shared) youngsters;
- After they attempt to guilt you into doing one thing that’s not in your greatest pursuits;
- After they textual content you in any respect hours and wish a (temporary) reminder of your waking hours.
If blocking them isn’t an possibility (e.g., you share custody or parenting time together with your children), you’ll be able to nonetheless make it extra rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and fewer rewarding to violate them.
Easy methods to Reply to a Narcissist Textual content: 11 of the Greatest Comebacks
So, what’s one of the best ways to answer a narcissist textual content message? By now, you’ve received some sense of their patterns, and you need to use that to your benefit. Use the guidelines described beneath to information you. And make an observation of those you discover most useful.
1. Determine their motive for texting you.
The extra conscious you might be of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the simpler it’s to know whether or not and how you can reply.
Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after earlier than deciding if you wish to textual content them again. Use what you’ve realized out of your time with them.
What are their ordinary ways to get your consideration? What do they usually need from you? And what has labored for them previously?
2. Decide whether or not to answer in any respect.
It’s not at all times sensible to answer to a narcissist textual content message.
Typically sufficient, responding does extra hurt than good—even in case you handle to maintain your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It nonetheless drags you right into a psychological house that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anybody else’s.
Each time attainable, depart the narcissist to their very own poisonous musings. You’ve received higher makes use of on your time, power, and headspace.
3. After they’re on the lookout for a combat, don’t have interaction.
The narcissist might attempt to attract you into an argument utilizing petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull.
Until you might want to reply, ignore their makes an attempt to get your hackles up.
Lock these hackles down. The narcissist isn’t price it. And you realize they’ll do no matter it takes to win an argument or, on the very least, drag you down into their private hellscape. As a result of how dare you could have an excellent day until they’re those liable for it?
4. When obligatory, reply—don’t react.
The narcissist will undoubtedly bear in mind what’s labored previously to get a response from you. And generally, silence solely provides gas to the hearth. Or it emboldens them to do worse.
So, if you might want to reply to their provocative texts, hold it easy and to the purpose. Don’t react in the best way they (clearly) anticipate you to.
Hold your calm, and allow them to know you’re not the straightforward mark they nonetheless assume you might be.
5. When attainable, follow “sure” or “no” solutions.
Hold your reply quick, clear, and concise. Get to the purpose rapidly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that don’t have any bearing in your reply.
Each time attainable, give a easy “sure” or “no” reply and depart it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch right into a tangent of your personal.
That brings us to the following tip.
6. Resist the urge to elucidate every little thing.
No means no. You don’t must justify each sure or no reply. And also you acquire nothing by attempting to make them perceive.
If the narcissist calls for a proof, and you realize they’d solely use it to select aside or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your reply, and whereas they might need a proof, they don’t want one.
If you let go of your want to elucidate your self, they’ve one much less lever to drag.
7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs.
If love-bombing has labored previously, the narcissist might attempt it once more to see if they will get what they need from you—or if they will get you again underneath their management.
If they struggle luring you right into a shared recollection of your greatest occasions collectively, calmly resist.
It helps to recollect the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits which can be nonetheless very a lot behind their conduct towards you.
8. Set and implement agency boundaries.
Until there’s an emergency, your ex has no enterprise texting you throughout your sleeping hours or while you’re at work and anticipating a immediate response.
Granted, when youngsters are concerned, and also you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there might be some scheduling changes on each side.
But when your ex is anticipating you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer.
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9. Use the leverage you could have.
Merely asking your ex to select up one among your children or meet you for one thing it’s important to do collectively won’t get the gratifying response you’re hoping for.
If you realize your baby enjoys their time together with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist understand how a lot your baby seems ahead to seeing them. Possibly you’re not eager in your ex’s firm, however the baby who loves you each actually is.
And that could be simply what the narcissist desires (and even wants) to listen to.
10. Keep optimistic or impartial.
We’re not saying it is best to at all times be optimistic or spin every little thing into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not lifelike, and also you’ll simply find yourself annoying everybody, together with your self.
When positivity feels inauthentic or pressured, neutrality is the best choice.
It’s higher to evaluate a state of affairs with “It’s what it’s” than to pressure your self to discover a silver lining when there isn’t one. Typically, the most effective you are able to do is acknowledge the reality of the state of affairs and describe it in impartial language.
11. Hold your feelings shut.
I do know it may be brutally tough to stuff all these feelings into somewhat field and reply to your ex as in case you’ve flipped a swap and really feel nothing. It’s one thing we frequently want we might do round individuals who harm us. The much less you’re feeling, the much less they will harm you.
However while you’re texting (fairly than speaking face-to-face), it’s at the very least simpler to maintain emotion out of your response. Use that to your benefit.
Now that you understand how to answer a narcissist textual content message, what ideas stood out for you? Your state of affairs is exclusive, so some factors usually tend to resonate than others.
Nonetheless, you’re not alone in what you’re going by way of or the hoops it’s important to leap to maintain your sanity and to guard any youngsters you would possibly share together with your narcissist ex.
What’s going to you do in a different way at present?